Sculptures by the Sea

Recently we took a holiday to Sydney, Australia, land of the Opera House. The Opera House is the building that was supposed to be a distinctive icon everyone would recognize as THIS IS SYDNEY! Land of the amazing Opera House! In reality, the building looks like a bunch of gigantic clams gasping for oxygen because they’ve been out of the water too long. But it is recognizable.

Since we were in Sydney, I wanted to engage in some cultural activity besides gaping slack-jawed at the Opera House and saying, “Yup, we’re in Sydney!” So I visited a sculpture exhibit at Bondi Beach.
You might think (as my family did), sculptures? Who wants to shuffle through marble halls at some stuffy museum to stare at works of art that make no sense. But you’d be wrong. This exhibit was called “Sculpture by the Sea”. You walk along a beach, getting sand in your shoes, staring at works of art that make no sense.

The sculptures had titles like “Pot,” “Crate,” and “Yeah it’s overwhelming but what else can we do? Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute.” That was a title, really. It was the outline of a huge pink diamond made of aluminum. Something that the Opera House clams would definitely want, if they had fingers.

This event attracts over half a million people and they were all there the day I was there, a Wednesday. I overheard one patron say, “I’m coming back on the weekend. It will be less crowded.”

A prize is awarded for the best entry. I don’t know how you decide what’s “best” among pieces like a cement truck made out of cement, a “dream house” made from little plastic toys, and a lawn mower draped with a painter’s tarp. It’s like judging a three-year-old;s finger painting. “Johnny’s painting is good, but the orangutan’s shows more emotion.”

I read that judges decide on a winner based on the artist’s submission of a small replica of the piece they might have not seen the actual sculpture yet. Which may explain this year’s winner, Time and Tide Granite Monolith II. It wasn’t so much the title that struck me, it was the piece. It was a piece of granite. The artist carved on the rock to make it look more like get ready here, a rock. A big rock, like the kind you see lying around outside in remote locations away from residential areas. Personally, I don’t think the Opera House Clams would care for it.

One patron said, “I love granite.” And then he hit it with his palm. “Strong. Nice chunk of work. Has a presence about it.” But I ask you, what piece of granite the size of a VW doesn’t have a presence?
The winner in my book was Big Drink, made of and PVC pipes in the shape of a gigantic, bendy drinking straw. It was mounted in the water. My taste in art is what you would expect of someone who gladly watches reruns of The Office.

And I did what any person with my level of art sophistication would do. And you can see it in the photograph below.

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